A man tries on a made-to-order suit and says to the tailor, "I need this sleeve taken in! It's two inches too long!"
The tailor says, "No, just bend your elbow like this. See, it pulls up the sleeve."
The man says, "Well, okay, but now look at the collar! When I bend my elbow, the collar goes halfway up the back of my head."
The tailor says, "So? Raise your head up and back. Perfect."
The man says, "But now the left shoulder is three inches lower than the right one!"
The tailor says, "No problem. Bend at the waist way over to the left and it evens out."
The man leaves the store wearing the suit, his right elbow cooked and sticking out, his head up and back, all the while leaning down to the left. The only way he can walk is with a herky-jerky spastic gait.
Just then two passersby notice him.
Says the first, "Look at that poor crippled guy. My heart goes out to him."
Says the second, "Yeah, but his tailor must be a genius! That suit fits him perfectly!"
viernes, 25 de diciembre de 2009
domingo, 20 de diciembre de 2009
Yield Curve Walks into a Bar
The Yield Curve walks into a bar. The Bartender says, “Hey, you’re really getting into shape!” The Yield Curve replies, “Yep. I believe the Expectations Hypothesis is working on my slope!” The bartender inquires, “Are you sure?” to which the Yield Curve responds, “I’m positive.”
jueves, 10 de diciembre de 2009
Translation: Stupid
(Gas Station | Ontario, Canada)
Customer: “Excuse me, why won’t my card work on the pump?”
Me: “Is it an American card?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “American cards don’t work at the pump.”
Customer: “You should put up a sign or something.”
Me: “Actually, there are several right above the card slot.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian…”
Customer: “Excuse me, why won’t my card work on the pump?”
Me: “Is it an American card?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “American cards don’t work at the pump.”
Customer: “You should put up a sign or something.”
Me: “Actually, there are several right above the card slot.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian…”
sábado, 5 de diciembre de 2009
No Discutas Con Niños ...
Una niña le estaba hablando de las ballenas a su maestra. La profesora dijo que era físicamente imposible que una ballena se tragara a un ser humano porque aunque era un mamífero muy grande su garganta era muy pequeña. La niña afirmó que Jonás había sido tragado por una ballena. Irritada, la profesora le repitió que una ballena no podía tragarse a ningún humano; físicamente era imposible.
La niña dijo:
- Cuando llegue al cielo le voy a preguntar a Jonás.
La maestra le preguntó:
- ¿Y qué pasa si Jonás se fue al infierno?
La niña le contestó:
- Entonces le pregunta usted.
Una maestra de preescolar estaba observando a los niños de su clase mientras dibujaban. Ocasionalmente se paseaba por el salón para ver los trabajos de cada niño. Llegó donde había una niña que trabajaba diligentemente, y le preguntó qué estaba dibujando.
La niña replicó:
- Estoy dibujando a Dios..
La maestra se detuvo y dijo:
- Pero nadie sabe cómo es Dios.
Sin pestañear, y sin levantar la vista de su dibujo, la niña contestó:
- Lo sabrán dentro de un minuto.
Una profesora de catecismo estaba discutiendo los Diez Mandamientos con sus pupilos de 5 y 6 años. Después de explicar el mandamiento de 'Honrar a tu padre y a tu madre', les preguntó:
- ¿Hay algún mandamiento que nos enseñe cómo tratar a nuestros hermanos y hermanas?
Un muchachito (el mayor de su familia) contestó:
- No matarás.
Una honesta niña de siete años admitió calmadamente a sus papás que Luis Miguel la había besado después de la clase.
- ¿Cómo sucedió eso? -Preguntó asombrada su mamá.
- No fue fácil -admitió la pequeña señorita-, pero tres niñas me ayudaron a
agarrarlo.
Un día una niña estaba sentada observando a su mamá lavar los platos en la cocina. De repente, notó que su mamá tenía varios cabellos blancos que sobresalían entre su cabellera oscura. Miró a su mamá y le preguntó inquisitivamente:
- ¿Por qué tienes algunos cabellos blancos, mamá?
Su madre le contestó:
- Bueno, cada vez que te portas mal y me haces llorar o me pones triste, uno de mis cabellos se vuelve blanco.
La niña asimiló esta revelación por un rato y luego dijo:
- Mami, ¿por qué TODOS los cabellos de mi abuelita están blancos?
Un niño de tres años fue con su papá a ver una camada de gatitos recién nacidos. De regreso a casa, le informó apresuradamente a su mamá que había dos gatitos y dos gatitas.
- ¿Cómo supiste eso? -Le preguntó su mamá.
- Papá los levantó y miró por debajo -replicó el niño-. Creo que allí tienen la etiqueta.
Todos los niños habían salido en la fotografía y la maestra estaba tratando de persuadirlos a cada uno de comprar una copia de la fotografía del grupo.
- Imaginaros qué bonito será cuando ya seáis todos mayores y digáis: 'Allí está Catalina, es abogada', o también 'Ese es Miguel , ahora es doctor'.
Sonó una vocecita desde atrás del salón:
- Y allí está la maestra. Ya se murió.
Suegra Entrometida
La mujer de Paco se fue a trabajar 6 meses a otro país. Paco, por supuesto, contrató una chica (que estaba buenísima) para los quehaceres domésticos...
Un día, su suegra lo llama y le avisa que va a cenar con él. Durante la cena, la suegra, por supuesto, no le quitó ojo a la chica que Paco había contratado. Leyendo los pensamientos de su suegra, Paco dice:
- Supongo lo que usted estará pensando, ¡pero no dudará Ud. de que mi relación con la empleada es puramente profesional!
Con mutuo mosqueo los dos dieron el tema por zanjado y terminada la cena, la suegra se fue. Una semana después, la empleada le dice a Paco:
- Desde que tu suegra vino a cenar, el cucharón de plata para la sopa no aparece. Seguro que se lo ha llevado ella. Paco le responde:
- Mira, cielo, la bruja seguro que es de todo, menos ladrona... de todas maneras le voy a enviar un email, por si acaso...
Entonces le escribe, con copia a su mujer:
- Querida suegra, yo no estoy insinuando que usted "se llevara" el cucharón de sopa de mi casa, y tampoco estoy insinuando que usted "no se llevara" el cucharón de sopa; pero el hecho es que ha desaparecido desde el dia que usted vino a cenar. Besos Paco.
Al día siguiente, Paco recibe un email de su suegra, también con copia a su mujer, que dice:
- Querido yerno, yo no quiero insinuar que "te estés tirando" a la empleada, y tampoco quiero insinuar que "no te estés tirando" a la empleada; pero el hecho es que, si ella durmiera en su propia cama, ya habría encontrado hace tiempo el cucharón de sopa que yo coloque allí, justo debajo de su almohada. Más besos. Tu Querida Suegra...
Un día, su suegra lo llama y le avisa que va a cenar con él. Durante la cena, la suegra, por supuesto, no le quitó ojo a la chica que Paco había contratado. Leyendo los pensamientos de su suegra, Paco dice:
- Supongo lo que usted estará pensando, ¡pero no dudará Ud. de que mi relación con la empleada es puramente profesional!
Con mutuo mosqueo los dos dieron el tema por zanjado y terminada la cena, la suegra se fue. Una semana después, la empleada le dice a Paco:
- Desde que tu suegra vino a cenar, el cucharón de plata para la sopa no aparece. Seguro que se lo ha llevado ella. Paco le responde:
- Mira, cielo, la bruja seguro que es de todo, menos ladrona... de todas maneras le voy a enviar un email, por si acaso...
Entonces le escribe, con copia a su mujer:
- Querida suegra, yo no estoy insinuando que usted "se llevara" el cucharón de sopa de mi casa, y tampoco estoy insinuando que usted "no se llevara" el cucharón de sopa; pero el hecho es que ha desaparecido desde el dia que usted vino a cenar. Besos Paco.
Al día siguiente, Paco recibe un email de su suegra, también con copia a su mujer, que dice:
- Querido yerno, yo no quiero insinuar que "te estés tirando" a la empleada, y tampoco quiero insinuar que "no te estés tirando" a la empleada; pero el hecho es que, si ella durmiera en su propia cama, ya habría encontrado hace tiempo el cucharón de sopa que yo coloque allí, justo debajo de su almohada. Más besos. Tu Querida Suegra...
Voto de Confidencialidad
Una mujer le dice a su cirujano plástico que ella quería reducir sus labios vaginales en tamaño, porque estaban muy sueltos y flameantes.
Debido al bochorno insistió que la cirugía se mantuviera en secreto y el cirujano aceptó. Saliendo de la anestesia, encontró 3 rosas cuidadosamente colocadas junto a su cama.
Fuera de sí, ella inmediatamente llamó al doctor: "¡Pensé que le había pedido que no le diga a nadie sobre mi operación!"
El cirujano le dijo que había llevado a cabo su deseo de confidencialidad y que la primera rosa era de parte de él: "Me dio lástima porque pasó por todo esto sola."
"La segunda rosa es de mi enfermera. Me asistió en la cirugía y se identificó porque ella pasó por el mismo procedimiento hace algún tiempo atrás."
"¿Y qué hay de la tercera rosa?" preguntó ella.
"Esa es de un hombre que está en el piso de arriba, en la unidad de quemados."
¡¡¡ Quería agradecerle por sus nuevas orejas !!!
Debido al bochorno insistió que la cirugía se mantuviera en secreto y el cirujano aceptó. Saliendo de la anestesia, encontró 3 rosas cuidadosamente colocadas junto a su cama.
Fuera de sí, ella inmediatamente llamó al doctor: "¡Pensé que le había pedido que no le diga a nadie sobre mi operación!"
El cirujano le dijo que había llevado a cabo su deseo de confidencialidad y que la primera rosa era de parte de él: "Me dio lástima porque pasó por todo esto sola."
"La segunda rosa es de mi enfermera. Me asistió en la cirugía y se identificó porque ella pasó por el mismo procedimiento hace algún tiempo atrás."
"¿Y qué hay de la tercera rosa?" preguntó ella.
"Esa es de un hombre que está en el piso de arriba, en la unidad de quemados."
¡¡¡ Quería agradecerle por sus nuevas orejas !!!
viernes, 16 de octubre de 2009
El Político y el Militar
Un hombre vuela en un globo, cuando de repente, se percata de que está perdido, entonces maniobra y desciende lentamente hasta divisar a un militar en medio del campo y le grita:
- ¿Disculpe? ¿Podría Ud.. ayudarme? He quedado en verme a las 2:00 p.m. con un amigo, llevo media hora de retraso y no sé donde me encuentro.
- Claro que sí -le contesta el militar-... Se encuentra Ud. en un globo de aire caliente flotando a unos treinta metros de altura, entre los 40 y 43 grados de latitud norte y entre los 58 y 60 grados de longitud oeste.
- ¿Es Ud. militar, verdad? -pregunta el del globo.
- Sí señor, lo soy... ¿cómo lo adivinó?
- Es simple, porque todo lo que ha dicho es técnicamente correcto, pero prácticamente inútil. Continúo perdido y voy a llegar tarde a mi cita porque no sé que hacer con su información.
- Y Ud. ¿es político? -pregunta el militar-.
- Sí señor. ¿Cómo lo supo?
- Es muy simple. Porque Ud. no sabe ni donde está, ni para dónde va, ha hecho una promesa que no puede cumplir y espera que otro le resuelva el problema De hecho, se halla exactamente en la misma situación en la que estaba antes de encontrarme, salvo que ahora, por alguna extraña razón... ¡la culpa es mía!
- ¿Disculpe? ¿Podría Ud.. ayudarme? He quedado en verme a las 2:00 p.m. con un amigo, llevo media hora de retraso y no sé donde me encuentro.
- Claro que sí -le contesta el militar-... Se encuentra Ud. en un globo de aire caliente flotando a unos treinta metros de altura, entre los 40 y 43 grados de latitud norte y entre los 58 y 60 grados de longitud oeste.
- ¿Es Ud. militar, verdad? -pregunta el del globo.
- Sí señor, lo soy... ¿cómo lo adivinó?
- Es simple, porque todo lo que ha dicho es técnicamente correcto, pero prácticamente inútil. Continúo perdido y voy a llegar tarde a mi cita porque no sé que hacer con su información.
- Y Ud. ¿es político? -pregunta el militar-.
- Sí señor. ¿Cómo lo supo?
- Es muy simple. Porque Ud. no sabe ni donde está, ni para dónde va, ha hecho una promesa que no puede cumplir y espera que otro le resuelva el problema De hecho, se halla exactamente en la misma situación en la que estaba antes de encontrarme, salvo que ahora, por alguna extraña razón... ¡la culpa es mía!
sábado, 22 de agosto de 2009
Recauchadora
Un viejito de 80 años se levanta y se pone su abrigo.
.. Su mujer le pregunta "¿Adónde vas?".
.. El contesta, "Voy al médico".
.. Y dice ella, "¿Por qué? ¿Estás enfermo?".
.. "No," replica él, "voy a que me recete una de ésas nuevas pastillas de Viagra".
.. La mujer se levanta de su mecedora y se pone también su abrigo.
.. El marido se extraña y le pregunta "Y tú, ¿a dónde vas?".
.. "También voy al médico", contesta ella.
.. "Y por qué?"
Si tú vas a empezar a usar esa vaina toda oxidada otra vez...
¡¡¡ Voy a que me pongan una antitetánica !!
.. Su mujer le pregunta "¿Adónde vas?".
.. El contesta, "Voy al médico".
.. Y dice ella, "¿Por qué? ¿Estás enfermo?".
.. "No," replica él, "voy a que me recete una de ésas nuevas pastillas de Viagra".
.. La mujer se levanta de su mecedora y se pone también su abrigo.
.. El marido se extraña y le pregunta "Y tú, ¿a dónde vas?".
.. "También voy al médico", contesta ella.
.. "Y por qué?"
Si tú vas a empezar a usar esa vaina toda oxidada otra vez...
¡¡¡ Voy a que me pongan una antitetánica !!
miércoles, 19 de agosto de 2009
Al Pie del Cañon
Una maestra nueva, trata de aplicar sus cursos de Psicología. Comienza su clase diciendo:
- Todo aquel que crea que es estúpido, que se ponga de pie.
Luego de unos segundos de silencio, Pepito, se pone de pie. La docente le pregunta:
- Jaimito, ¿crees ser estúpido?
- No, señorita..., pero me da pena verla parada solita...
- Todo aquel que crea que es estúpido, que se ponga de pie.
Luego de unos segundos de silencio, Pepito, se pone de pie. La docente le pregunta:
- Jaimito, ¿crees ser estúpido?
- No, señorita..., pero me da pena verla parada solita...
martes, 18 de agosto de 2009
Pet Diaries
Excerpt from a Dog's Diary........
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
miércoles, 12 de agosto de 2009
Kids are quick.
Teacher: Heather, go to the map and find North America.
Heather: Here it is.
Teacher: Good. Now class, who can tell me who discovered America?
Class: Heather
Teacher: Thomas, how do you spell crocodile?
Thomas: k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l
Teacher: No, that's not right.
Thomas: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Thomas, how do you always manage to get so dirty?
Thomas: I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Heather, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Heather: A teacher.
Teacher: Jenna, name one important thing that we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Jenna: Me!
Heather: Here it is.
Teacher: Good. Now class, who can tell me who discovered America?
Class: Heather
Teacher: Thomas, how do you spell crocodile?
Thomas: k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l
Teacher: No, that's not right.
Thomas: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Thomas, how do you always manage to get so dirty?
Thomas: I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: Heather, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Heather: A teacher.
Teacher: Jenna, name one important thing that we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Jenna: Me!
lunes, 27 de julio de 2009
Nuestro Derecho a Morir con Dignidad
Anoche mi papá y yo estábamos sentados en la sala hablando de las muchas cosas de la vida... entre otras... estábamos hablando de la idea de vivir o morir
Le dije: "Papá, nunca me dejes vivir en estado vegetativo, dependiendo de máquinas y líquidos de una botella, si me ves en ese estado, desenchufa los artefactos que me mantienen vivo, ¡prefiero morir!"
Entonces, mi papá se levantó con una cara de admiración... y me desenchufó el televisor, el DVD, la computadora, el celular, El WII, el Ipod , el XBOX y me botó el guarito, el ron y todas las cervezas!!!
... ¡CARAJO! ... ¡¡¡ CASI ME MUERO !!!
Le dije: "Papá, nunca me dejes vivir en estado vegetativo, dependiendo de máquinas y líquidos de una botella, si me ves en ese estado, desenchufa los artefactos que me mantienen vivo, ¡prefiero morir!"
Entonces, mi papá se levantó con una cara de admiración... y me desenchufó el televisor, el DVD, la computadora, el celular, El WII, el Ipod , el XBOX y me botó el guarito, el ron y todas las cervezas!!!
... ¡CARAJO! ... ¡¡¡ CASI ME MUERO !!!
jueves, 9 de julio de 2009
Todo lo que siempre necesité saber, lo aprendí de mi 'MAMA'
Todo lo que siempre necesité saber, lo aprendí de mi 'MAMA' :
- Mi mamá me enseñó a APRECIAR UN TRABAJO BIEN HECHO : 'Si se van a matar, háganlo afuera. Acabo de limpiar!!!'
- Mi mamá me enseñó RELIGIÓN : 'Mejor rece para que le salga la mancha a la alfombra'
- Mi mamá me enseño LÓGICA : 'Porque yo lo digo, por eso... y punto'
- Mi mamá me enseño PREDICCIONES : 'póngase ropa interior limpia y sin rotos por si tiene un accidente'
- Mi mamá me enseñó IRONÍA : 'Siga llorando por nada y le voy a dar una razón para que llore'
- Mi mamá me enseñó a ser AHORRATIVO : 'Guarde esas lágrimas para cuando yo me muera'
- Mi mamá me enseñó ÓSMOSIS : '¡Cierre la boca y coma!'
- Mi mamá me enseñó CONTORSIONISMO : 'Mire el mugre que tiene en ese cuello'
- Mi mamá me enseñó FUERZA DE VOLUNTAD : 'Se va a quedar sentado hasta que termine la sopa'
- Mi mamá me enseñó METEOROLOGÍA : 'Parece que un huracán pasó por su cuarto'
- Mi mamá me enseñó PARADOJAS : 'Le he dicho un millón de veces que no exagere'
- Mi mamá me enseñó MODIFICACIONES DE PATRONES DE COMPORTAMIENTO: 'Está igualito a su papá'
- Mi mamá me enseñó ENVIDIA Y MATEMÁTICAS: 'Hay millones de niños menos afortunados en este mundo que no todos tienen padres tan maravillosos como usted'
- Mi mamá me enseñó habilidades como VENTRILOQUÍA: 'No me rezongue, cállese y contésteme: ¿Por qué lo hizo?'
- Mi mamá me enseñó técnicas de ODONTOLOGÍA: 'Me vuelve a contestar así y le estampo los dientes en la pared'
miércoles, 8 de julio de 2009
El "mala men"
El tema en la clase era el miedo, y la profesora empieza a preguntar.....
- Pedrito, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- Del 'Coco', profesora
- Pero Pedrito, 'el Coco' no existe, es una leyenda... no debes de tener miedo...
- Luisita, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- De los fantasmas, profesora
- Pero Luisita, los fantasmas tampoco existen, son una leyenda, no debes de tener miedo...
- ¿Y tù Juanito? ¿De quién tienes más miedo?
- Del 'Mala Men', profesora (el silencio invadió el salón de clases hasta que la maestra dijo)
- '¿Mala Men?' nunca oí hablar de ése, ¿quién es?
- Yo tampoco sé quién es, profesora, pero me temo que sea el ser más terrible que pueda pisar la tierra, su maldad es implacable y su legado de terror se ha esparcido por varias generaciones, ya que todas las noches mi mamá dice al final de las oraciones...
"No nos dejes caer en la tentación y líbranos del 'Mala Men'"
- Pedrito, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- Del 'Coco', profesora
- Pero Pedrito, 'el Coco' no existe, es una leyenda... no debes de tener miedo...
- Luisita, ¿de quién tienes más miedo?
- De los fantasmas, profesora
- Pero Luisita, los fantasmas tampoco existen, son una leyenda, no debes de tener miedo...
- ¿Y tù Juanito? ¿De quién tienes más miedo?
- Del 'Mala Men', profesora (el silencio invadió el salón de clases hasta que la maestra dijo)
- '¿Mala Men?' nunca oí hablar de ése, ¿quién es?
- Yo tampoco sé quién es, profesora, pero me temo que sea el ser más terrible que pueda pisar la tierra, su maldad es implacable y su legado de terror se ha esparcido por varias generaciones, ya que todas las noches mi mamá dice al final de las oraciones...
"No nos dejes caer en la tentación y líbranos del 'Mala Men'"
sábado, 16 de mayo de 2009
Difference between men and women
An English professor wrote the words:
On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
All the females in the class wrote:
- “A woman without her man is nothing”,
On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
- “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote:
- “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
viernes, 1 de mayo de 2009
Manolo y la gorila
Un zoológico español compró una gorila hembra de una especie rara. Tras unas semanas, la gorila se volvió irritable y difícil de manejar. Después de examinarla, el veterinario determinó que estaba en celo, lo cual era un gran problema ya que no había ningún macho de esa especie disponible. Tras pensarlo detenidamente, el administrador del zoológico reparó en Manolo, un empleado encargado de limpiar las jaulas. Manolo tenía reputación de que, por lo bien dotado, podía satisfacer bien a cualquier mujer, y, como no parecía muy listo, tal vez podría convencerlo de que le hiciera el favor a la gorila. Así que le propusieron:
-¿Aceptarías tener relaciones con la gorila por 500 euros?
Manolo dijo que podría interesarle, pero que necesitaba pensarlo un poco. Al día siguiente, Manolo dijo que aceptaba, con tres condiciones:
-Primero, nada de besos. Segundo, no quiero saber nada de hijos.
-¡De acuerdo!-dijo de inmediato el administrador-Pero, ¿cuál es la tercera?
-Bueno... ¡tiene que darme por lo menos otra semana para reunir los 500 euros!
-¿Aceptarías tener relaciones con la gorila por 500 euros?
Manolo dijo que podría interesarle, pero que necesitaba pensarlo un poco. Al día siguiente, Manolo dijo que aceptaba, con tres condiciones:
-Primero, nada de besos. Segundo, no quiero saber nada de hijos.
-¡De acuerdo!-dijo de inmediato el administrador-Pero, ¿cuál es la tercera?
-Bueno... ¡tiene que darme por lo menos otra semana para reunir los 500 euros!
domingo, 19 de abril de 2009
Magic Wand
Fred had been divorced twice after his wives cheated on him, so he decided the only way to get a faithful wife is to marry someone who knew nothing of sex. He moved to the mountains and found himself a simple, innocent girl, and married her.
On their wedding night, he told her about his "magic wand", and how no one else in the entire world had one. Sure enough, she was enraptured with the "magic" feelings it brought her, and she and Fred were very happy.
But Fred needed to make a living, and he finally had to go out of town on a business trip. But his innocent wife knew only he had a "magic wand", so he left feeling safe.
Yet when he got home, he could tell there was something different about his wife, and she was ready to confront him.
"You told me you were the only man in the world with a magic wand," she said.
"Yes..." he started to answer.
"But I found out that Jerry has a magic wand too!" she said, clearly upset.
"Well yeah," he stammered. "Jerry is my best friend, and I had two magic wands, so I thought I should give him one of them."
With that, she burst in to tears.
"What's wrong," Fred asked, perplexed.
"Well why," she said through her sobs, "did you have to give him the good one?!"
On their wedding night, he told her about his "magic wand", and how no one else in the entire world had one. Sure enough, she was enraptured with the "magic" feelings it brought her, and she and Fred were very happy.
But Fred needed to make a living, and he finally had to go out of town on a business trip. But his innocent wife knew only he had a "magic wand", so he left feeling safe.
Yet when he got home, he could tell there was something different about his wife, and she was ready to confront him.
"You told me you were the only man in the world with a magic wand," she said.
"Yes..." he started to answer.
"But I found out that Jerry has a magic wand too!" she said, clearly upset.
"Well yeah," he stammered. "Jerry is my best friend, and I had two magic wands, so I thought I should give him one of them."
With that, she burst in to tears.
"What's wrong," Fred asked, perplexed.
"Well why," she said through her sobs, "did you have to give him the good one?!"
Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
How to identify cities in INDIA
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB.
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in PUNJAB.
Mallu interview
A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "Not This Woman."
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
New Car
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents.
"We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "This one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?"
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on. "So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents.
"We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "This one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?"
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on. "So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
How to catch a Lion
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run. Lion tired and surrenders.
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted. Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest. You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run. Lion tired and surrenders.
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
BE SILENT!
Santa Singh gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. He has never been on an airplane anywhere and gets excited and tense. As soon as he boards the plane, a Boeing 747, he started jumping in excitement, running from seat to seat and shouting, 'BOEING!BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'.
The pilot in the cockpit hears the noise and annoyed by what's goings on, he comes out and shouts, 'BE SILENT!'
There's pin-drop silence every where and everybody looks Santa. He stares at the pilot in silence for a few seconds and then starts shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!!OE...'
The pilot in the cockpit hears the noise and annoyed by what's goings on, he comes out and shouts, 'BE SILENT!'
There's pin-drop silence every where and everybody looks Santa. He stares at the pilot in silence for a few seconds and then starts shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!!OE...'
10 Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
Take off my skirt
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He turned out to be fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town. However: One o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and still no hired hand. At two-thirty, finally, in came the hired hand. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him
over to her.
- "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she asked.
- "Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly.
- "Now take off my socks." He did.
- "Now take off my skirt." He did.
- "Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
- "Now," she said, "take off my panties." With great trepidation, he slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!"
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He turned out to be fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing really well. Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town. However: One o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and still no hired hand. At two-thirty, finally, in came the hired hand. The rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him
over to her.
- "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she asked.
- "Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly.
- "Now take off my socks." He did.
- "Now take off my skirt." He did.
- "Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
- "Now," she said, "take off my panties." With great trepidation, he slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!"
Desi executes the Y2K Project
Dear Sir,
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We'll await your direction.
Very Sincerely
Desi
Y2K Project Leader
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We'll await your direction.
Very Sincerely
Desi
Y2K Project Leader
Two fallen angels
Two blonde prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top oftheir car which said:
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign downand drove off.
The following day found the same police officer in the area when henoticed the same two blonde ladies driving around with a large sign ontheir car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when henoticed the new sign which now read:
- Two Prostitutes -- $50.00
- Jesus Saves
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign downand drove off.
The following day found the same police officer in the area when henoticed the same two blonde ladies driving around with a large sign ontheir car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when henoticed the new sign which now read:
- Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00
Bill Gates looking for european chairman
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kunju, a mallu guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not now JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself, "I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try"
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Again, 2000 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself "I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?" So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself, "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?" So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself, "I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?" So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said "Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language."
Calmly, Kunju turns to the other candidate and says "Ninakku Sukham alle" (Aren't u Sukham... in malayalam)
The other candidate answers "Nee Poda Pulle" (Just go away...in malayalam again)
5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kunju, a mallu guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not now JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself, "I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try"
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Again, 2000 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself "I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?" So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself, "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?" So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kunju says to himself, "I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?" So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said "Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language."
Calmly, Kunju turns to the other candidate and says "Ninakku Sukham alle" (Aren't u Sukham... in malayalam)
The other candidate answers "Nee Poda Pulle" (Just go away...in malayalam again)
jueves, 16 de abril de 2009
Esos Deditos
Mientras hacía la maleta para un viaje de trabajo, mi hijo de tres años estaba jugando en mi cama y se lo estaba pasando bomba. En cierto momento me dijo:
- Papi, mira esto - y puso dos de sus deditos frente a mis ojos.
Aunque tenía prisa no podía dejar pasar la ocasión de jugar con mi hijo, así que cogí su mano y metí los dos deditos de su mano en mi boca.
- ¡¡¡ ME VOY A COMER ESTOS DEDITOS !!! GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR - le dije simulando comérmelos, antes de salir del cuarto de nuevo.
Cuando regresé, mi hijo estaba quieto en la cama mirando sus deditos desde varios ángulos y con una expresión de absoluta desolación en su cara, por lo que le pregunté:
- ¿Qué pasa mi amor?
Y él me contestó:
- ¿¿¿ Dónde está mi MOCOooo ???
- Papi, mira esto - y puso dos de sus deditos frente a mis ojos.
Aunque tenía prisa no podía dejar pasar la ocasión de jugar con mi hijo, así que cogí su mano y metí los dos deditos de su mano en mi boca.
- ¡¡¡ ME VOY A COMER ESTOS DEDITOS !!! GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR - le dije simulando comérmelos, antes de salir del cuarto de nuevo.
Cuando regresé, mi hijo estaba quieto en la cama mirando sus deditos desde varios ángulos y con una expresión de absoluta desolación en su cara, por lo que le pregunté:
- ¿Qué pasa mi amor?
Y él me contestó:
- ¿¿¿ Dónde está mi MOCOooo ???
sábado, 11 de abril de 2009
You know you're from British Columbia when....
You know you're from BC when...
- You know the provincial flower: the dogwood
- You can taste the difference between Tim Hortons, Second Cup, and Seattle's Best.
- Lower Mainland only: The last time there was snow, you were so confused you tried to snort it.
- You can't tell, is marijuana still illegal?
- You hate the Calgary Flames with a passion.
- You point out vancouver landmarks in nearly every movie and TV show
- You don't understand why Manitoba and Saskatchewan are considered western Canada
- While driving on your morning commute, you switch between heat and air conditioning multiple times
- You consider 2 degrees freezing cold
- You know that there is actually a town called Dawson Creek
- You know how to distinguish between the different types of asian food
- You know how to pronounce Squamish, Osoyoos, Ucluelet, Esquimalt, Sooke & Nanaimo.
- You actually care about the CFL.
- You still believe the Canucks have a shot at winning the stanley cup.
- You can point out at least two ski resorts, even if the city is coated in fog.
- A nice day means when you can see the mountains
- You go bankrupt from paying your rent
- You have come to accept that there are only two seasons: cold and rainy, and warm and dry
- You don't understand what's so great about Toronto
You never go camping without waterproof matches and a 100% water proof raincoat You know more people with boats than air conditioners You have trouble figuring out why french is an official language or why we have to learn it in school You swear that you're in China or Japan You don't find it wierd that every time you go downtown, some crazy guy is talking to himself Your premier was convicted of drunk driving You know what venti and a macchiato are You ski and play golf in the same day You are aware that Surrey, New West, Burnaby, Delta, Port Moody, North Van, West Van, White Rock, Abbostford, Langley and Richmond are NOT part of the City of Vancouver You're confused when people from anywhere else say that the hill you just walked up is a mountain You think that Atlantic Salmon doesn't even deserve to be called salmon when compared to Pacific Salmon You've had a California roll for lunch You take the bus and are shocked to hear two people carrying on a conversation in English You don't even listen when the forecast announces "chance of showers" The more expensive the car, the worse the driver When you get more excited about the canucks making the playoffs than you do about the olympics coming to vancouver Have to take a ferry to get to your capital city You are aware that Vancouver and Vancouver Island are not one in the same You're legally an adult, but you still can only drive with one passenger in the car You can tell the difference between the fresh mountain air and the air in other provinces right when you get out of the airport You know that your province started the "white towel" craze that so many other sports teams have borrowed You consider a week with no rain to be "good weather" You drink the tap water You know the only thing dividing China and India is the Fraser River The only time you can get a tan is if you go to a tanning salon When at any given time about 90% of people you pass on the street are wearing either LuLuLemmon or Mountain Equipment Co-Op clothing Climbing the grouse grind is something you do for fun You HATE Mick McGeough You hate the leafs for no real reason You are SHOCKED to hear someone speaking French Everytime you go out you see at least two people pulled over for speeding/street racing You can't stand when someone from outside Canada asks if your from Toronto You ask Albertans if they really have ski slopes The police don't respond to a crime scene because they are busy trying to find any reason to pull over a "N" license driver You are tired of people wanting to go to Barkerville You know in Greater Vancouver that West Van, the West Side, and the West End are all different places There are few things you hate more then following people from other provences on the highway because they aren't use to all the turning You have to check the sports headlines daily to find out who the new Canucks goalie is. (Thank god for Luongo, we don't have to do this anymore) You chuckle when you say the words "fast ferries" The news has extensive coverage of just how badly people in Vancouver can drive in 3 inches of snow You get a harsher punishment for having an extra passenger with an L license than your premier does for driving drunk You leave the province to see the rest of Canada, you realize that there is nothing better to see You are genuinely confused with people that don't consider "Pirate Packs" to be an integral part of a healthy childhood You assume cab fares will cost a minimum of $25 You're slightly irritated by the inaccuracies of Tony Hawk Underground's representation of Vancouver You think of Kokanee as a discount beer Your license is the hardest to fake of any province You're surprised and pissed to have to pay for the luggage carts when you get to any other airport You know that it's "Science World", not the "Telus World of Science" When you don't like the weather you go inside and wait 15 minutes for it to change You say "I'm from kelowna" and the ontario-ian says "so do you miss ?" even after you have corrected them 5 times You are driving on the highway where the speed in the left lane is slower than the right lane You have been lost in the woods on several occasions, you know you will be again, and you're okay with that You think $1.00/L is cheap for gas You think about hockey or guns n roses when the word 'riot' is brought up If you know what Gore-tex is and why it's important, if all your coats have hoods, or if you've spent more than 90 dollars on a rain jacket Your province's football team are Grey Cup Champs! While celebrating, your province's football team became the only one to ever break the Grey Cup You know what being "beyond Hope" means Forest Fires are almost a tradition - just like Thanksgiving 1994 means more to you than just the year of the OJ simpson case! You return by plane and the first things you say is: "I can BREATHE!" The first time you drive through the prairies you see no mountain, no trees, no ocean -- and promptly have a panic attack You use the parking brake whenever you park because in BC you're always automatically parked on an incline The three main universities are on an island, peninsula and mountain top You laugh when snow is mentioned in Victoria's weather forecast, and laugh harder when someone actually believes it You know that Mt. Washington isn't actually in Washington All the graffiti you find is written in full sentances You've heard about "the big one" and you just couldn't care less You actually pull over to the right and slow down as soon as you faintly hear a siren You could read a decent size novel before you're admitted into the hospital You know how scary it is to drive next to a loaded logging truck You can't stand Albertan drivers. Not to mention getting stuck behind them on the Sea-to-Sky (Mostly Vancouver) You find yourself giving half hour long explanations on what the Skytrain is You can identify all the gulf islands from the ferry terminal names The only thing you like about Quebec is the maple syrup Your capital city doesn't have enough ploughs for a snow storm You can recite the BC Ferries safety announcement by heart You care more when a referee makes a bad call during the canucks games then when the Premier got arrested for drunk driving You know you're in BC when you find a bear in your backyard then walk to the Starbucks a few blocks away while you wait for the bear to leave You know that an "1 1/2 hour ferry" really means 3 hours: time to get to the ferry, wait for the ferry, get on the ferry, eat in the buffet on the ferry, and then wait for the broken down VW to get off the ferry The mountain you grew up skiing on is now too busy with foreigners for you to get a decent amount of runs down the hill You've paid $6 for an full meal of sushi You are surprised when people tell you they don't ski or snowboard You watch the weather report for a good laugh You can pick out the Albertan drivers in disguise as one of us You've managed to convince people in Florida you live in an igloo and have a pet polar bear The reasoning for number 4 is not simply because of how abundant Cannabis is, but because you are too baked to remember You know that the only thing beyond Hope is Hell's Gate
viernes, 3 de abril de 2009
Teoría Termodinámica del Infierno
La siguiente pregunta fue hecha en un examen trimestral de Química en la Universidad de Toronto. La respuesta de uno de los estudiantes fue tan "profunda" que el profesor quiso compartirla con sus colegas, vía Internet, razón por la cual podemos todos disfrutar de ella.
Pregunta: ¿Es el Infierno Exotérmico (desprende calor) o Endotérmico (lo absorbe)? La mayoría de estudiantes escribieron sus comentarios sobre la Ley de Boyle un gas se enfría cuando se expande y se calienta cuando se comprime). Un estudiante, sin embargo, escribió lo siguiente.
En primer lugar, necesitamos saber en qué medida la masa del Infierno varía con el tiempo. Para ello hemos de saber a qué ritmo entran las almas en el Infierno y a qué ritmo salen. Tengo sin embargo entendido que, una vez dentro del Infierno, las almas ya no salen de él. Por lo tanto, no se producen salidas. En cuanto a cuántas almas entran, veamos lo que dicen las diferentes religiones.
La mayoría de ellas declaran que si no perteneces a ellas, irás al Infierno. Dado que hay más de una religión que así se expresa y dado que la gente no pertenece a más de una, podemos concluir que todas las almas van al Infierno. Con las tasas de nacimientos y muertes existentes, podemos deducir que el número de almas en el Infierno crece de forma exponencial.
Veamos ahora cómo varía el volumen del Infierno. Según la Ley de Boyle, para que la temperatura y la presión del Infierno se mantengan estables, el volumen debe expandirse en proporción a la entrada de almas. Hay dos posibilidades:
Si aceptamos lo que me dijo Teresa en mi primer año de carrera "Se congelará el Infierno antes de que me acueste contigo", y teniendo en cuenta que me acosté con ella ayer noche, la posibilidad número 2 es la verdadera. Doy por tanto como cierto que el Infierno es Exotérmico y que ya está congelado.
El corolario de esta teoría es que, dado que el Infierno ya está congelado, ya no acepta más almas y está, por tanto, extinguido...dejando al Cielo como única prueba de la existencia de un ser divino, lo que explica por qué, anoche, Teresa no paraba de gritar: "¡Oh, Dios mío!"
Solo este estudiante sacó calificación sobresaliente.
Pregunta: ¿Es el Infierno Exotérmico (desprende calor) o Endotérmico (lo absorbe)? La mayoría de estudiantes escribieron sus comentarios sobre la Ley de Boyle un gas se enfría cuando se expande y se calienta cuando se comprime). Un estudiante, sin embargo, escribió lo siguiente.
En primer lugar, necesitamos saber en qué medida la masa del Infierno varía con el tiempo. Para ello hemos de saber a qué ritmo entran las almas en el Infierno y a qué ritmo salen. Tengo sin embargo entendido que, una vez dentro del Infierno, las almas ya no salen de él. Por lo tanto, no se producen salidas. En cuanto a cuántas almas entran, veamos lo que dicen las diferentes religiones.
La mayoría de ellas declaran que si no perteneces a ellas, irás al Infierno. Dado que hay más de una religión que así se expresa y dado que la gente no pertenece a más de una, podemos concluir que todas las almas van al Infierno. Con las tasas de nacimientos y muertes existentes, podemos deducir que el número de almas en el Infierno crece de forma exponencial.
Veamos ahora cómo varía el volumen del Infierno. Según la Ley de Boyle, para que la temperatura y la presión del Infierno se mantengan estables, el volumen debe expandirse en proporción a la entrada de almas. Hay dos posibilidades:
- Si el Infierno se expande a una velocidad menor que la de entrada de almas, la temperatura y la presión en el Infierno se incrementarán hasta que éste se desintegre.
- Si el Infierno se expande a una velocidad mayor que la de la entrada de almas, la temperatura y la presión desminuirán hasta que el Infierno se congele
Si aceptamos lo que me dijo Teresa en mi primer año de carrera "Se congelará el Infierno antes de que me acueste contigo", y teniendo en cuenta que me acosté con ella ayer noche, la posibilidad número 2 es la verdadera. Doy por tanto como cierto que el Infierno es Exotérmico y que ya está congelado.
El corolario de esta teoría es que, dado que el Infierno ya está congelado, ya no acepta más almas y está, por tanto, extinguido...dejando al Cielo como única prueba de la existencia de un ser divino, lo que explica por qué, anoche, Teresa no paraba de gritar: "¡Oh, Dios mío!"
Solo este estudiante sacó calificación sobresaliente.
miércoles, 1 de abril de 2009
A koala was sitting in a gum tree...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint
When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala Where they enjoyed a few joints.
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' And that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far Over and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and Helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he Was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, Got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked Into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was.
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude..... How much water did you drink?!!'
When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala Where they enjoyed a few joints.
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' And that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far Over and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and Helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he Was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, Got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked Into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was.
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude..... How much water did you drink?!!'
sábado, 28 de febrero de 2009
Cómo mentir en grupo
Cuatro amigos de la Universidad se fueron a parrandear el fin de
semana antes de los exámenes finales a un país vecino.
¡La pasaron súper bien! Pero después de tanta fiesta durmieron todo
el domingo y no regresaron a su país hasta el lunes por la mañana.
En lugar de entrar al examen final, decidieron que al terminar el
examen hablarían con el profesor y le explicarían la razón por la
que habían perdido el examen.
Le explicaron que se habían ido de viaje el fin de semana y que
planeaban estar de regreso y estudiar, pero desafortunadamente, "se
les poncho" una llanta cuando venían de regreso, no tenían las
herramientas y nadie les había querido ayudar.
Como resultado de la aventura, perdieron el final. El profesor lo
pensó y acordó hacerles el final al día siguiente. Los cuatro amigos
estaban felices. Estudiaron toda la noche y llegaron al día
siguiente a hacer el examen.
El profesor los puso en salones separados y les repartió a cada uno
el test para que comenzaran. Vieron el primer problema, valía 5
puntos y era muy fácil sobre la historia del mercadeo.
"¡Excelente!", pensó cada uno en su salón separado.
"Esto va a estar muy fácil".
Cada uno termino el problema y voltearon la página. En la segunda
página estaba escrito:
semana antes de los exámenes finales a un país vecino.
¡La pasaron súper bien! Pero después de tanta fiesta durmieron todo
el domingo y no regresaron a su país hasta el lunes por la mañana.
En lugar de entrar al examen final, decidieron que al terminar el
examen hablarían con el profesor y le explicarían la razón por la
que habían perdido el examen.
Le explicaron que se habían ido de viaje el fin de semana y que
planeaban estar de regreso y estudiar, pero desafortunadamente, "se
les poncho" una llanta cuando venían de regreso, no tenían las
herramientas y nadie les había querido ayudar.
Como resultado de la aventura, perdieron el final. El profesor lo
pensó y acordó hacerles el final al día siguiente. Los cuatro amigos
estaban felices. Estudiaron toda la noche y llegaron al día
siguiente a hacer el examen.
El profesor los puso en salones separados y les repartió a cada uno
el test para que comenzaran. Vieron el primer problema, valía 5
puntos y era muy fácil sobre la historia del mercadeo.
"¡Excelente!", pensó cada uno en su salón separado.
"Esto va a estar muy fácil".
Cada uno termino el problema y voltearon la página. En la segunda
página estaba escrito:
- ¿¿¿ CUÁL LLANTA ???
martes, 3 de febrero de 2009
Susuki, un niño japonés...
Susuki, un niño japonés, llega a USA.
Es el primer día de clases y la maestra presenta a Susuki, hijo de un empresario japonés, a los chicos de sexto grado.
La maestra les dice: 'Empecemos repasando un poco de historia americana. Quien dijo '¡Denme la libertad o denme la muerte!'
La clase se queda callada, excepto por Susuki: 'Lo dijo Patrick Henry, 1775'.
'¡Muy Bien! Quien dijo 'El gobierno del pueblo, para el pueblo no debe desaparecer de la faz de la tierra'. De nuevo, ninguna respuesta de la clase, salvo Susuki: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.
La maestra, asombrada, les dice: 'Chicos, debería darles vergüenza. Susuki, que es nuevo en nuestro país, y sabe más de nuestra historia que ustedes'.
La maestra alcanza a escuchar un susurro: '¡a la mierda con los malditos japoneses!'.
¿Quién dijo eso? Pregunta la maestra. Nuevamente Susuki levanta su mano y dice: 'General McArthur, 1942 y Lee Iacocca, 1982'.
La clase queda muda y uno de los chicos alcanza a decir: 'Voy a vomitar'.
La maestra trata de ver quien fue el irrespetuoso: '¿Ya está bien, quien dijo eso?'. Y Susuki dice: 'George Bush padre, al Primer Ministro japonés, 1991'.
Uno de los alumnos, furioso, le grita al japonés desde el fondo: '¡Chupáme esta!'. Susuki, casi saltando en su silla, le dice a la maestra: 'Bill Clinton a Monica Lewinsky. 1997'
La clase entra en un estado de histeria. La maestra se desmaya, cunde el caos. Mientras los chicos se arremolinan alrededor de la desvanecida maestra, uno de ellos exclama: 'Mierda, y ahora ¿cómo salimos de esta?..'.y Susuki responde: 'George W. Bush, inmediatamente después de la invasión de Irak, 2003'.
Por último un niño encabronado por tanta participación del japonés grita. '¿Por que no te callas?' Y Susuki responde: 'Juan Carlos, rey de España a Hugo Chávez , en Santiago de Chile, 10 de noviembre de 2007'.
Es el primer día de clases y la maestra presenta a Susuki, hijo de un empresario japonés, a los chicos de sexto grado.
La maestra les dice: 'Empecemos repasando un poco de historia americana. Quien dijo '¡Denme la libertad o denme la muerte!'
La clase se queda callada, excepto por Susuki: 'Lo dijo Patrick Henry, 1775'.
'¡Muy Bien! Quien dijo 'El gobierno del pueblo, para el pueblo no debe desaparecer de la faz de la tierra'. De nuevo, ninguna respuesta de la clase, salvo Susuki: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.
La maestra, asombrada, les dice: 'Chicos, debería darles vergüenza. Susuki, que es nuevo en nuestro país, y sabe más de nuestra historia que ustedes'.
La maestra alcanza a escuchar un susurro: '¡a la mierda con los malditos japoneses!'.
¿Quién dijo eso? Pregunta la maestra. Nuevamente Susuki levanta su mano y dice: 'General McArthur, 1942 y Lee Iacocca, 1982'.
La clase queda muda y uno de los chicos alcanza a decir: 'Voy a vomitar'.
La maestra trata de ver quien fue el irrespetuoso: '¿Ya está bien, quien dijo eso?'. Y Susuki dice: 'George Bush padre, al Primer Ministro japonés, 1991'.
Uno de los alumnos, furioso, le grita al japonés desde el fondo: '¡Chupáme esta!'. Susuki, casi saltando en su silla, le dice a la maestra: 'Bill Clinton a Monica Lewinsky. 1997'
La clase entra en un estado de histeria. La maestra se desmaya, cunde el caos. Mientras los chicos se arremolinan alrededor de la desvanecida maestra, uno de ellos exclama: 'Mierda, y ahora ¿cómo salimos de esta?..'.y Susuki responde: 'George W. Bush, inmediatamente después de la invasión de Irak, 2003'.
Por último un niño encabronado por tanta participación del japonés grita. '¿Por que no te callas?' Y Susuki responde: 'Juan Carlos, rey de España a Hugo Chávez , en Santiago de Chile, 10 de noviembre de 2007'.
domingo, 1 de febrero de 2009
Two-Condom Combinatorial Problem
Problem:
- Two (heterosexual) couples decide to have group sex with each other in all possible male-female combinations. They have only two condoms, and everyone is scared of catching some venereal disease. How can they manage four couplings with only two condoms?
- The first man puts on two condoms, one over the other, and then sleeps with the first woman. Only the outer surface of the outer condom and the inner surface of the inner one has had contact with any potentially infectious surface.
- The man removes the outer condom and sleeps with the second woman.
- The second mand then dons the removed outer condom whose inner surface has until now had no contact with anyone's skin, and sleeps with the first woman, whose only contact has thus far been with the outside of the same condom.
- Finally, the second man dons the second condom over the one he is already wearing, and sleeps with the second woman, who again only experiences a condom she has already touched.
miércoles, 14 de enero de 2009
¿Cómo se entretiene a un gallego?
¿Cómo se entretiene a un gallego?
- Se le da una bolsa de M&M's y se le dice que los ordene alfabéticamente.
- Se le da una bolsa de M&M's y se le dice que los ordene alfabéticamente.
Mexicanos
Un día una florista fue a cortarse el cabello con un estilista en New York. Cuando quiso pagarle, el estilista le dijo que no podía aceptar el dinero porque estaba haciendo trabajo comunitario. Al día siguiente, el estilista se encontró con una tarjeta de agradecimiento de parte de la florista, y una docena de rosas en la puerta.
Después fue un policía, y de igual manera, el estilista no le permitió que le pagara porque se encontraba haciendo trabajo comunitario. Al siguiente día, el estilista se encontró con una tarjeta de agradecimiento y una docena de donas en la puerta.
Después fue un cocinero mexicano, y de igual manera no dejó el estilista que el mexicano pagara su cuenta.
Adivina ¿¿¿qué se encontró el estilista al siguiente día en su puerta...???
¡¡ Una docena de mexicanos esperando su corte de cabello gratis !!
En una convención de sacerdotes se encontraba un cubano, un americano y un mexicano. Se les aproxima una periodista y le pregunta al cubano:
- Padre, ¿usted podría explicarnos que es lo que hacen con el dinero de los fieles?
- Claro que si chica, mira es muy fácil, pintamos una línea en el piso y aventamos el dinero al cielo, lo que caiga adelante de la línea es para Dios y lo que caiga detrás de la línea es para nosotros.
- Muy bien, y ustedes los gringos, ¿qué hacen con el dinero?
- Nosotros marcar un círculo en el piso y lo que caer dentro del círculo ser para Dios y lo que caer afuera, ser para nosotros.
- Finalmente ustedes los mexicanos, ¿qué hacen con el dinero de los fieles?
- Nosotros somos más justos, aventamos el dinero al cielo y lo que alcance a agarrar Dios es para él y lo demás es para nosotros.
Estan dos mexicanos tumbados en el campo y dice uno:
- Oye mano ¿tengo la cremallera bajada?
- No manito.
- Vaya pues ya haré pis otro dia.
Después fue un policía, y de igual manera, el estilista no le permitió que le pagara porque se encontraba haciendo trabajo comunitario. Al siguiente día, el estilista se encontró con una tarjeta de agradecimiento y una docena de donas en la puerta.
Después fue un cocinero mexicano, y de igual manera no dejó el estilista que el mexicano pagara su cuenta.
Adivina ¿¿¿qué se encontró el estilista al siguiente día en su puerta...???
¡¡ Una docena de mexicanos esperando su corte de cabello gratis !!
En una convención de sacerdotes se encontraba un cubano, un americano y un mexicano. Se les aproxima una periodista y le pregunta al cubano:
- Padre, ¿usted podría explicarnos que es lo que hacen con el dinero de los fieles?
- Claro que si chica, mira es muy fácil, pintamos una línea en el piso y aventamos el dinero al cielo, lo que caiga adelante de la línea es para Dios y lo que caiga detrás de la línea es para nosotros.
- Muy bien, y ustedes los gringos, ¿qué hacen con el dinero?
- Nosotros marcar un círculo en el piso y lo que caer dentro del círculo ser para Dios y lo que caer afuera, ser para nosotros.
- Finalmente ustedes los mexicanos, ¿qué hacen con el dinero de los fieles?
- Nosotros somos más justos, aventamos el dinero al cielo y lo que alcance a agarrar Dios es para él y lo demás es para nosotros.
Estan dos mexicanos tumbados en el campo y dice uno:
- Oye mano ¿tengo la cremallera bajada?
- No manito.
- Vaya pues ya haré pis otro dia.
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