I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar.

They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry, are you two whales from Ireland ?" That's pretty much the last thing I remember. 

Fast fathers...

Three kids are in a schoolyard, bragging about how fast their fathers are. My father runs the fastest, says the first. He can shoot an arrow, start to run, and he gets there before the arrow! My dad has yours beat, says the second kid. He can shoot his gun and get there before the bullet! Sorry, but my pops is the fastest, says the third kid. He's a civil servant. He gets off work at five and he's home by 3:45.

Dispuesta a cualquier cosa

Profesor, estoy dispuesta a hacer cualquier cosa para pasar la materia —dijo la espectacular rubia, cuya blusa estaba a punto de estallar.
—¿Cualquier cosa? —preguntó el profesor.
—Cualquier cosa —repitió la joven en son de promesa.
—Entonces, estudie. Estudie querida, estudie.